How to build resilience and feel stronger

How to build resilience and feel stronger

How can you build yourself up after a severe blow? Whatever knocked you over it can feel like falling into an endless pit, that you will never manage to come up again. When I lost my brother who was 39 in 2006 it was so sudden it felt like the world around me was shaken, I didn’t even have the strength to look after my children, and spent three days in bed. Here’s what I learned going through a difficult time.

How to build resilience

How to build resilience

Take a rest

Resting means accepting in a way, instead of fighting, pretending everything’s okay, I invite you to rest, accept and let go of what if. Live in the present, take as much sleep as you can, move one step after another. You readily accept to rest when you hurt one of your limbs or your back. On an emotional level you want the pain to go away as quickly as possible. From my experience there’s no way out of it, you will have to go through the pain, it will be excruciating that is why you need to rest, look after yourself and love yourself even more. No one will judge you if you take three days off, for once, do nothing, cry and let it go.


Can be of tremendous help when you’re going through a rough patch. Write how you feel about the situation, how sad you are, let it all out. Don’t censor yourself, write as you would be talking to your best friend someone you can trust and let the flow of emotions get out on paper.

Get professional help

If it’s been too long, you feel you that can’t cope with the pain; there’s nothing wrong getting professional help, I am not a doctor but get as much help as you can. Book an appointment with your GP, a therapist, someone that will be able to assess where you’re at and help you move forward.

Practice acceptance

We’re so used to pop a pill each time we have a physical pain that we don’t know how to cope with emotional pain anymore, we want it to go away and fast. I have some news for you; pain and stress are part of life, accepting the pain will help you better come to terms with it. It’s about leaning in and accepting that not everything is under control and that’s fine. Learning to accept is a great way to build your resilience.

Sit in Silence, meditate

When you try to find answers to difficult questions, it’s sometimes best to stop the flow of thinking and come back to the present. Stop the distractions and sit in silence or meditate, even if it’s just for 5 minutes stopping the chatter in your mind will help you bounce back and heal.

Accept that you don’t have all the answers

When going through a traumatic event in your life, it’s entirely normal wanting answers, but trying too hard to find answers is probably another way to distract you from the pain. You might never get the answers you’re looking for, i.e. why did your partner leave? Looking for answers can turn, into an obsession especially when someone ghosted you, it can drive you crazy, but you have no control over someone else. Learn to let go, it’s not an easy task I completely get it, what you want though is moving forward and not being stuck in the past. Again if it’s too difficult to move past the post, get help. It’s your life, and you don’t want your mind being taken hostage by someone else, you deserve much better and are on a mission.

Going through emotional pain is what we want to avoid, pain feels useless, to be avoided at all cost, but it’s part of us, of who we are and practising acceptance, building resilience, will help you go through it and make you stronger.

Do you have a coping mechanism that you would like to share? Please share in the comments.

Rachel xx